Men Belong in the Kitchen
unlearning
toxic masculinity
This week, I released a collection of merch in my shop with the words "men belong in the kitchen" on them.
I'm so obsessed with the response you've had. I haven't even shared the story yet! And it's a good one.
I'm Trevor.
The owner and chef at Off Menu.
When I was growing up, I was teased and bullied because of my love for rom-coms, musicals, and other things that are considered more feminine. And because of that, I ended up hiding a lot of things I truly liked because I was afraid. I compensated by adopting some toxic behaviors like dating and playing lots of women in hopes that I would come off more masculine.
My parents modeled pretty traditional gender roles: where the mom stays home, cleans, and cooks, while the dad goes to work and... nothing else.
But I've always loved cooking. I've been cooking since I was 7 years old, yet I wasn't sure how that was going to fit into my life long term.
pizza rolls not gender roles
When I got married and had kids, I knew it was time to adjust my perspective. I wanted to be an equal partner, but I had so much to unlearn. I'm grateful to the feminists in my life who helped me deconstruct those. I still have a LOT of work to do. But I wanted to pay it forward by encouraging other men to do the same.
So this merch is my way of showing men that
1. cooking is awesome and they should learn to do it to help pick up the slack in their house but,
2. that their role is not just to bring home the bacon - that there's more to being in a partnership than just going to work and coming home.
cooking is awesome
Cooking could be so much more than something men are the recipient of. It's a hobby, a passion, and a stress reliever.
It's a love language.
It is an act of kindness.
cooking not just for women
I want men to realize that they can do better. It's time to be better and show up as equal partners in our relationships.
and also - they don't have to feel shame about liking things that are traditionally "feminine". There are straight, masculine men out there that love cooking, and rom-coms, and love songs, and musical theatre. And loving those things isn't a threat to our masculinity.
tough (or soft) guys wear pink
The way society feels about color.... I can't.
Color is just a color. Wearing pink doesn't make you any less of a man.
I designed the merch in a variety of colors on purpose. Go shopping without your toxic masculinity and just see what you like!
Whether you're a tough guy - or not - all of the colors are acceptable for you.
On that note, men, I hope you know that it's okay to be more delicate. It's okay to be more sensitive.
When you're cooking, you'll need to find that side of yourself. Find your own balance of femme and masc. Let down your walls. Cry if you need to. It doesn't make you any less of a man.
